Again, I am at home
by emiskida
Summary: Will I ever reach this place again? This place which I call . . . home? [YAOI] [ONESHOT]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts! (Surely it is not necessary for me to say this!) Also, some points are of FF12, and if I own that stuff, I wouldn't tell you!

**My Notes: **Warning! Warning! Warning! This fic falls under _the _category - - - YAOI. If you are someone who finds this genre _disturbing, _then it may be wise to NOT read it. Quite honestly, I'm also one of those who . . . uhhhmmm . . . _repudiates _this kind of stuff. But thanks to a close friend of mine, I realized why this kind of category continues to exist. I'm not really _over _this, so I guess the best way to be _cool _with is to write a fic about it. Heehee . . . But in reality, this fic won't reach any _ultimately_ intimate encounters. (I wish you're not that dense to not understand me XD). Just lay eyes on it, I swear it won't make your stomach hurl. **Three (3) **chapters. Coz it may look so _boring _if you see the scroll bar too small over there (to the right) too small. Read and review please. Also if you review, kindly suggest the **_BEST_** hentai you know ----- for i will really need it in order to stay in tuned with my . . . _maleness_ . . . XD giggles.

**Shout out: **Numina-Namine, I hope you like this one.

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**-o- **

**o- Again, I am at home -o**  
Chapter 1

**-o-**

"The blinding light of the setting sun . . . What could be more fitting . . . than this companion? Wait . . . what am I holding?"

Eyes were shifting slowly, focusing on an object dangling on his right hand. Keening on them, he stared at the bouquet of red roses.

"What . . . is this?"

Moist and still naturally damp, each petal radiated well as the shine of a red sun shimmered upon it; soft even before touching, each whispering 'sniff me, please?' Nothing could be more crimson. Nothing else can be compared to these blooms. Handpicked by him, each, carefully trimmed as if plucking an angel's feathers, best tried to give pleasure instead of pain. A lifetime spent to merely find these gems of the pageant. Even Shiva may be seduced by it, regardless of the fiend who offers them.

"These roses . . . are . . . so pretty . . ."

Swinging the same arm upwards, he tossed the bouquet right in mid-air. Eyeing the best part of it, he found what to target.

These beautiful roses, pure and innocent, sincere and truthful, its destiny met the edge of a bastard sword. A mighty slash, more than its rightful punishment, was delivered. The single hack of this blade made the petals annulled from each other like blown pile of ash.

"The blinding light of the setting sun . . . What could be more fitting . . . than to watch it with dying roses?"

A rough breeze arrived even before he could pull his weapon back. The lacerated petals drifted away, rotting almost immediately.

Affixing his comrade on the ground, he set his stiff eyes on another object beneath him.

"Why is it . . . that whenever I look at you, I feel nothing but pain?"

The man picked his cellular phone on the ground and laid a last look on the message.

_I cannot come to our meeting place. I am with Selphie. I am sorry . . . Forgive me, Cloud . . ._

**llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

I clutched on a goblet. It came to me that I could no longer take my hand off it-perhaps it is glued? I found it nearing my lips and without my awareness, my mouth sipped this strange liquid. A burning sensation engulfed my throat as the fluid traveled down through me. I found myself wishing that it would reach the frozen layers of my heart.

"Why is my presence here? Am I dreaming? And how come my chest hurts so much?"

My droopy eyes stared blindly onto what exists near. Though darkness is in place, I see these tables, each accompanied by a lonesome individual. Perhaps they are the same as me? There are these creatures, dressed so _elegantly, _they keep nudging the other creatures in sight. A senseless tune kept resonating within my ears. There is no sound, but it's so noisy. What in the hell is going on?

It was soon until I realized that I was drunk. My mind dwelling with a thought-I've been here eternally. I feel so desolated watching myself humiliate its own repute. To be seen here will truly scar what is left of my image.

With the abscence of my own freewill, I just found my eyes turning into a person approaching. The hazy flavor of the air is not evident as a hindrance for I knew who that person is the moment every girl turned their faces towards him.

This person, I knew him for a long time, but it was only recently did I realize that he justly flaunts an immense standard. A man of respect and reverence. It would take anyone more than a miracle before seeing a flaw in his character. His hair, gratis at every angle, feathery as if fur of a newly hatched Chocobo. He walks so manly, so strict yet relaxed at the same time. He seemed chained into an obligation but his every movement delivers a message of 'I'm a freelance'. He sure is aware of the attention worming unto his very sight yet he regards it as if a whiling breeze. You may consider yourself a Goddess of beauty _if_ and only _if he _lays his eyes on yours. But such scenario must be first permitted by God before it can happen. I, myself, must be free to brag about him for he has been my friend for so many years now.

"Cloud, do you think I have the need to ask while your eyes speak so loudly?"

His voice came to me as if a steel of masculinity. I feigned a smile as I welcomed him to this requiem I have been celebrating so gladly.

"My sincerest congratulations for your promotion." I stood up straight. Respect is what he deserves. "It's hard to accept that my closest friend turned out to be the Admiral of the 37th fleet, _Alexander XXIII_. Will you ever cease to amaze . . . Leon?" A friendly handshake was in place.

"A lie shall it be if I disguise myself not. Thank you, Cloud." How does he do that? Speaking with words subliminal of his character. Just hearing him utter will paint his whole life before your eyes.

It was only when he seated himself that I was able to catch a vagrant snuffle of his perfume. What should only be a fragrance offering a mere pleasure, an enticing and most soothing sensation for the soul. There was a rumor of an astrayed soldier once took hold of a precious perfume, given only by Gods who only exist in an unsearchable world. Sometimes I wonder if _that _person is Leon himself.

"Will I hear the secret entangled within your thoughts?" Leon said so easily as he relaxed himself, eyeing his thanks to the bartender who placed his Martini on the table.

I had fear portrayed before my every word. "I know that they never mention this in the military, but will you find it childish if my words are of _love_?" I could not place my stares at the high-ranked person for I think he sees the immaturity I am yet to go over with.

Smirking so evidently, Leon pilfered a sip of his drink before chuckling his response back. "Charming to see a jester in you, Cloud. In spite of my state now in the martial, you do not sense a dent in our a friendship, do you?" His most charming eyes assisted in his smile by sharpening slightly.

"I am sorry . . ." I had my eyes relieved contradicting to what I have just said. "It's of Aerith. . ."

"I take time with my drink, a flaw my fellow officers have observed." I knew what he meant. Its that he'll listen to my story.

"I asked her to meet up with me on the rooftop of the Gizmo Shop, a usual spot marked in our memories. I felt I deserved it for we have not been together for a long time now. I miss her. Yet I fear that she do not feel so similarly. If I'm not mistaken, it has been like this for . . . four months. I really don't know why but I can't help but see the love we have disintegrating. And now, I feel like she's maintaining a big gap between us." My wavering eyes trembled freely on the goblet I kept wiping with my hands.

"Maintaining a big gap because she is no longer meeting with you? Or is my assumption erroneous?" Leon sounded like an expert to this. Him being a high-ranking officer and a friendly psychiatrist really makes a picture mosaic. He took hold of the cigar from his lips and blew a slow moving fog. I've always loved the frangrance of that cigarette.

"I do think so. It was sudden when it happened. Just like a candle losing its light on its wick, Aerith just took away all of her love for me. I really see no reason why. Its like I'm filling a Jigsaw puzzle with no piece of the picture in hand and with my eyes blindfolded. I am lost in stupor." The liquor in my glass appears to disappear so quick. I wondered where it has been dripping to.

I looked at Leon and seeing him signal the bartender refill my glass was enough to tell me that I should continue speaking.

"We had been so good together. All that smile and laughter. We would kiss before making signals to each other. And whenever I hold her close, I feel something undeserving of my comprehension, a weird sensation, like . . . I feel at home. But now that putting my arms around her only exists in my dreams, this _home_ I felt . . . is now in ruins. I wonder when shall I be _home_ again."

A moment of silence was in order to sign that my testament is adjourned. I simply shook my goblet to hear the slightest sound created by the ice cubes.

"In order to learn what lies in the horizon, Convey the vessel onto a high vintage point. - 1st Chapter of a pirate, Marquis Ondore XIV. You must be situated where you shall see the truth in her heart, Cloud. And the only way to know what she keeps hidden is to ask her directly. The sudden change in her must have been caused by a vital deed you have done; that are not aware of. Don't _ask_ for a chance to meet her, _thieve_ an opportunity to find her submissive. Once you know where the rocks point, you shall be given the guidance you need for your inclination to the proper path."

It was too late when it came to my mind that my endless stare at him might be found inappropriate. He spoke in riddles yet every sense infiltrated me so clearly. A strange twinge came into my heart as I gain knowledge of what I must do, but I'm not really sure if that's all of it. This man in front of me, who taught him to be so charismatic? In what way does he sleep and how many times does he blink his eyes in a day?

Though he is still the friend I've always known, a lot of things changed him and I just appear too blinded to see it. Just being with him makes me feel so soothed, so free and so relaxed. I feel secure just by knowing that this friend of mine _is _a friend of mine. I admire him for his wit and concern he has for me. Is this a dream I can ever wake up from?

_-end of 1st chapter-_


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**-o- **

**o- Again, I am at home -o**  
Chapter 2  
**  
-o-**

A stalker . . . No, it does not seem like it. However, he sure has been following this figure the past hours. Why can't he just confront him right at her façade? Perhaps his mind is marked with the principle, 'timing is everything'. More so, 'timing poorly shall cost everything'. There shall be a precise moment, a perfect opportunity, a chance to be taken abruptly. To be caught early is worse than feeling the penetrating blade of the Ultimate One-winged Angel.

Her entry into a familiar restaurant is verified; he had got an _eye ball. _Commence the approach to the target.

The man made his way into the bistro as if typical customer. Almost in an instant, he founded her seated in a far off table. What could be more perfect than her being all alone? The deity's have written a script far greater than he had imagined. This is _the _chance he was told to steal with skilled wrists.

Without any more hesitation present in his judgment, he headed directly onto where she is. Hands somewhat trembling, heart beating oddly fast, and eyes wavering at her very sight. "Pardon me, miss. Will you mind me seated with you?"

_No . . . Go ahead . . . I will be leaving soon anyway . . ._

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

"This is just . . . barely credible. How can it be that she has not yet recognized me? A stranger I seem to appear. A reason – she has not yet laid eyes on me. How it is that she is not even interested in knowing what this _stranger _in front of her, seated in front of her, looks like?"

I had my eyes stuck eternally at her face. The image of her, not glimpsing at me, is more than an army of heartlesses plucking my heart with bare hands. She just kept on texting with her mobile phone. Whom is she contacting? Is someone opting to arrive? What if it is another man?

If I failed to fool myself with the thought of her meeting with someone else, I might have wept so hard and shame myself. However, I also wondered; will such action be effective in getting her attention?

"God, why won't she look at me? Does she already know that it is_ I_? And is that why she has no concern? Hell, this hurts so much."

I could no longer hold the anticipation in me. The excitement of knowing how she would react once she discovers that it is me who is seated in front of her existed but in a very unexplainable manner. 'It is I, the man who asks to be your slave perpetually'.

"Aerith . . ." - An inevitable word escaped me. My hand held hers – and avoidable actions initiated liberally.

I could have counted the milliseconds before she shifted her eyes onto my direction for the first time. I could have measured the angle when her face tilted towards me. But what I could have not foresee is the feedback she will send to me.

"Cloud?" Eyes sharpened and shot open almost immediately.

What else can a man filled with utmost love offer, but a smile pure of sincerity and affection. I could have sworn I had a feeling of confidence with this arsenal in hand.

"W-what are you doing here?" She inquired subsequently; a statement written in the script, I accepted.

Spending all my strength to keep the smile up, "I wanted to talk to you." It is no longer necessary to ask why she had not noticed my presence in front of her earlier. It would definitely ruin the flow of the series. But as I watch her, I came to realize that she might soon repudiate my proximity.

A Chocobo running at high speed collided with a rock that appeared out of nowhere.

"Is this about yesterday?" The wrinkles on her forehead, unknown of origin. Stiffness of her gentle voice.

"No no no . . . It's not about it. I just wanted to have some time with you." I no longer knew if the smile was still clinging on my lips.

"But . . . you didn't say anything about meeting up. I have no time to talk with you. I - I am sorry but you will just have to leave. Another time shall it be." Her eyes shifted away and I knew that it meant that my presence was never treasured at all.

My eyes began to observe the stains on the table. A little desire of wiping them off with my hands was what I felt. "Aerith . . . Why is it . . . that it has become like this? I don't understand you anymore. Why the hatred? What is it that I have failed to see? What character of mine possesses deficiency? Please tell what I need to know." If _hoping_ lengthens a person's lifetime, maybe I shall be an immortal.

"I wish I have time for your . . . silly questions. But now is just not the appropriate time for this. Kindly leave me, Cloud. I will hate you more if I hear myself say this one more time" Each word spoken to the _person_ beside her. She awarded me by not looking at my eyes - my existence.

By this time I just had to wonder if the person right in front of me is still the same Aerith I have known and loved. So many questions wormed their way through me and the thought of not knowing any answer is more than enough to leave me desolated.

"Aerith, please . . . Just tell me that you will talk to me some other time. I need to hear these words forged with your own tone of voice." How come my most gentle voice is not taking effect on her?

"Whatever, Cloud just go. Leave me be . . . I don't need you anymore . . ."

"Aerith . . . Do you even know what you are saying?" By this time I heard the gods whisper to me, I have their permission to be infuriated.

"Shut up! Leave me, Cloud. Forget everything about me. I no longer know you. Just hurry up and go!" Funny that I was able to read her lips say 'Damn it' after her staement.

"I won't leave, Aerith! I will remain here until we . . ." I didn't know why, but I just noticed myself cease speaking instantly. My words gobbled up in my mind and a particular reason was there why they won't come out. Furthermore, I felt my left cheek throbbing. A sensation, less painful than what my heart was suffering at the moment, materialized on it. Also, Aerith disappeared from my sight. I tilted my head a little and felt odd to see that she is now at the left part of my perspective. The rusted gears in my brain transmitted the message late. Aerith, the one I've love for so many years, the one I am willing to die for, just slapped me across my face.

"Aerith . . ."

"F-CK YOU, Cloud! Damn you and your stupid existence! I wished you'd burn in hell!"

I have not heard any word she had uttered for my consciousness focused on something else. I saw this tear in her eyes, just waiting to gush out. Right at that moment, my only wish was for that small drop of fluid to flow down her cheek, make a path that will leave my mind scarred forever. For if such scenario is to take place, it shall be clear to me that she is also undergoing some pain.

I never had the chance to see it. She turned away and exited the cafe, a yellow-clothed girl stood alongside her as her image disappeared.

My eyes, a river of tears. The feeling of being so helpless filled me with joy uncomparable to any. And at this time, nothing else . . . is worth thinking.

_I won't be home anymore . . . I've wandered off . . . too far . . .  
_

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

Same time and same place. I'm back here in the bar. But this time, something is far greater. There is something which is not similar to that of last night. Heck, who am I kidding? Surely it is nothing else but the pain.

My never ending glare at the doorway of pub taught me a lot of things, however. Like, the average time it would take for another person to enter is 17.6 seconds. It would take 14 steps if a person is to walk from the doorway to the bartender's table. The broken light in the letter S of the 'Traverse Town Tavern' blinks six times a second.

Before I could end my count of the tiles from the entrance to my table, my vision was obstructed by a leathery military uniform.

"Closing them will aid in dimishing the redness in your eyes."

It was then did I realize that the very same person who accompanied me the prior night is the one who blocked my view of the tiles. I felt a bit of hatred for him for I really wanted to know the numbers.

"Leon . . ." I wasn't in the temper for an acquaintance, However. My decimated character needs time before a complete healing. Against my thoughts, but i hoped he'd march away from me. "Please,for a while, let me be."

"I wont leave you by yourself." I heard his statement even before I could finish mine. The stiffness in his tone _meant_ that he _meant_ it. I was too broken to start an argument.

I didn't find the lengthy moment of silence awkward. I am aware that Leon had already finished two goblets of Martini - simply because I didn't blink my eyes. I never wanted to shut them. Why? Because whenever I do so, I'd be back at that cafe and Aerith would be standing again right in front of me. I also thought that if I could just close my ears, I will also hear the same words she _whispered _so sweetlyto me.

"I am sorry, Cloud." Said by the man in front of me.

I never found a reason, but that particular stament of him triggered every pain and hatred in me. The anger overflowed as if adrenaline is its reagent. I felt my heart burning. Everything spun in front of me in a nick of a second. All my emotions exploded out through my lips.

**"****What in the hell will your _sorry's_ do, Leon!!! Are these words capable of changing every fault in my life!!! Tell me!!! What good will it bring me if I hear you say these words!!!"**

All of the sudden, I just felt all the pain and agony in me vanish. Every emotion, replaced by confusion. Where did all of my anger go? Because at the moment, what I feel is calmness and tranquility. No tint of hatred existed within. I was immediately at peace. My heart began to beat slower. My mind lost all the haze present. What is going on? I was just at the peak of my scream.

"Cloud . . . Close your eyes . . . and count to ten." A voice spoke up from behind my ears.

It was only then did I found myself in a peculiar position. A _something_ that never happened before in my life. His arms around my shoulders, clutching me close, I am being held by Leon.

"Le-Leon . . . what . . .are . . ."

"Just close your eyes . . . Count . . . up to ten . . ." He whispered so weakly that I was never sure if I heard him right.

All because of the ruffling of his hair against my cheeks, did I decide to heed his request.

I closed my eyes. I was dumbfounded to feel such pleasure in wetting my irises again. The sensation of moistening the dryness, I could not ignore it. Feeling my eyes cool down slowly had also affected the state of my whole body. Each tremble came to a halt. The tension in my muscles gradually loosened up. All the burdens piled up on my shoulder wafted away, as if a breeze went by and decided to take it along.

Leon had his arms around me. His chin leaning on my shoulder. I could anticipate his every breath permeate over the back of my neck. The warmth in him, I noticed it make its way into my heart. And in every passing second, I felt it mend every crack. I have never felt something similar to this.

I was already at the number 8. Only a couple more seconds and it shall be 10 already. Why is it that, for a particular reason, I never wanted to reach that number? I wanted to count all over again. I don't want this feeling to end. I thought my _life_ would be over once I reach the end of the count.

I felt his head move back. He distanced his face from me and looked deeply into my eyes. _Those eyes . . . I've never seen them before_. They were gleaming, not failing to demonstrate his sympathy and concern so vividly. I had the strangest feeling, but it seemed familiar as well. I don't know anything now, but I was well aware that he still had his hands on my shoulders. His gentle grip, kept the sensation that I earned whilst my counting alive.

"Cloud . . . stay strong . . . The pain will fade away, I promise . . . Believe in me as I say these words . . . Heal your heart . . . for me . . ."

_This man in front of me . . . Who taught him to be so charismatic?_

_-end of 2nd chapter-_

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**-o- **

**o- Again, I am at Home -o**  
Chapter 3

**-o-**

Eyes opening slowly, welcoming the rather rude sunlight. What should be a common stressing morning; a calm sensation embedded within his veins. Inevitable questions mingled loosely beside him, each glaring with eyes undistinguished, each dictating what level of confusion must be flaunted.

"How come there is no pain? Why is it . . . that I feel so . . . happy?"

The intertwined thoughts should have at least delivered some stretch, but still, the serenity of this morning proved itself to be so persistent. Finding every moment ominous, he feared that something truly _is_ amiss. Something bad is to happen . . . perhaps on this day. _What a much wrecked morning._

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

I have no plans today. Only absolute _nothing_ is worth doing. I'm not in the mood to insist on Aerith either . . . but I won't give up on her just yet. I know I just didn't want get my heart _broken _today - because it is already in shambles. Perhaps a stroll outside will enlighten me a cure for this idleness.

I had just finished preparing myself. What I want to do is be out of this cell the whole day. But there was a tick of feeling that I should not go. Everywhere I look, I see the message, 'Don't go out'. No any kind reason seems to appear; but I also felt a part of me insist on staying _home_.

_Home . . . _I'm not _at home . . _. Without Aerith I will never be_ at home_

I opened the door of my _house _and only God knows how hard I slammed it shut immediately after my way out. My body engaged itself to walk ceaselessly to the streets when I felt something nudge my boots. I simply dropped my eyes on what exists beneath me.

It is today's paper. And if I hadn't blinked my eyes a couple of times, I could have easily read the headlines. I allowed my dry hands to plummet and collect the broadsheet. Fear began to accumulate rapidly as I painted my eyes on the cut. It was an image of an aircraft and before I can see clearly through the shades of the ink, I prayed that I am not familiar with it. My vision then shifted to the big capital letters.

"GILGAMESH OF 27th FLEET, CRASHED AT THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE KING'S PALACE. WHOLE CREW FEARED DEAD."

I had no reason in mind, but I think I checked on the date of the paper more than ten times. It was clear that the numbers it represents are that of today.

"Is this why I woke up in such a gleeful mood? How could this happen?" I asked myself as I eyed my surroundings, looking for anyone aware of the incident, hoping for someone to clarify the news' precision.

If what I know contains accuracy, Yuffie, Leon's girlfriend, is the commander of that ship. I have never met her personally but that fact she is Leon's girl . . . makes the words on the paper painful to accept. My initial thoughts were of my friend of course, and I do hope that he is taking this well-that is if he already knows of this horrific incident.

The rehearsals I made with Aerith served so well in keeping my emotion stable. I felt pathetic as I felt no sorrow with regards the knowledge of this information. But something's really not for certain. I am not sure if I'm not feeling so sorry just because I've been so sad with Aerith or because the cheerfulness I have from the moment I woke up still exhibit its form within me. _Why in the hell do I feel so happy?_

Again, I had no control of it but with my thoughts resided on her shadows, I felt my hands clutch tight. _How come she hates me . . . so much? I believe that I have done nothing wrong. Will she ever . . . be back to her same old self? _Clenching my teeth never felt so satisfying.

I sat on the bench standing behind me as I continued to fool myself with the questions I've already asked a couple dozen times. "Our love is now tainted. So why must I force myself with her? She hates me . . . and I . . ." At that very moment, somehow, I wish I knew what words should come next.

It was a while later when the presence of another person made entry within my range of vision. I furtively moved my eyes. It was clear that _she _is approaching me. And her standing right in front of me definitely deserves a glance, right? I ruffled my messily dangling hair with my right hand to remedy my obscured vision. A little girl met my eyes.

"Can I be of assistance . . . young lass?" I dryly said, crossing my arms and legs. The girl is probably between the ages of 15 and 16. Quite thin and petite, my first expressions of her were that she is shy and can easily be manipulated, and submissive, more so. Her wavering eyes and endless stare at the ground were evident that she is yet to learn the skills of being confident. She's wearing a dress, colored as if the sunshine. And I could have not failed to notice her knee-length boots. Also, there was this irritating sound made by a hanging accessory attached on her belt. A nun chucks key-chain it appears. _How precious._

"Anohhh . . . _Anatawa . . . _you are . . . _Kuraudo-san . . . _Yes?" Her voice was kind of cute. It was obvious that she is putting up a lot of strength just to show that she is not _that_ shy. The valiance, I found it attractive.

"Yes . . . I am addressed with that name." I said so gently to somehow ease the tension her shoulders were heaving.

"_Atashi_ . . . I . . . I have a . . . _shourei_ . . . a me-message from . . . Aerifu-san." She was stuttering as if she had done something terribly wrong to me-which I am not really sure of. But after hearing the name Aerith again, my blood just began to race into my brain, thanks to the quickly beating heart of mine, that is.

"What message?" I placed my feet flat on the ground as I pulled myself up from my seat and stood in front of the surprised little girl. I felt anxious of what she was about to unveil to me. _Will the receiver hear ill-news or a heavenly one which will have his hopes ignited once again?_ If she had looked at me directly, I am sure that she will sense the slight fear visible in my irises. A part of me kept yearning that I should not hear this message for it may be _sickening_. But the thought that Aerith _has _a message for me convinced me to hold the sword by its blade and see if it is sharp or not. "Speak of it."

"Onee-san . . . wa-wants you . . . in her place . . . this afternoon . . ."

I once heard of a documentary that testified that the size of the human eye is the same from birth up to death; it never grows. But at this very momentous time, Cloud felt his eyes much larger ever than before.

"Oh my God . . . Is this true? Aerith wants . . . to see me?"

I was muted, a little pathetically actually. The joy present in my heart must have made me look like a kid who never had a date in his life. I felt so childish all because of my immense reaction to this _little _thing. "Aerith wants to see me . . ." I never felt so shallow in my lifetime. Is my happiness in this world turned out to be so . . . cheap?

The little girl was already far away when I realized that I have botched to ask her of her name. She's a complete stranger yet I believed that her words were truthful and she has no purpose of _tripping _me.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

The twelfth rose is always the hardest one to locate for it must be the best among the ones I have already gathered. And since I never choose a _fine _bloom but the _finest_, it will certainly take me some time in this garden. If people would see me collecting these floras, I will not be surprised if they will be filled with mirth. I find what I am doing . . . a bit odd. But this is what love can do to me. I will look for that twelfth rose even if _another _meteor is to crash onto the world.

"Ah . . . finally." I have found it. The best rose in this ten-hectare garden. It seemed a miracle for me to find it in just four and a half hours.

"Ouch . . ." The rose, it pricked me. Why did it do that? That never happened before. Maybe it's just another indication that it really _is _the best rose blooming in the field.

After adding that one to the whole party, I thanked the spirits of the garden and headed towards Aerith's home. I decided not to let my tandem carry me for the high speed may _puff _air on my roses. And such thing may inflict the nastiest damage. I would never want that to happen. I will walk.

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The whole house seemed empty. No lights were turned on and all the doors and windows were closed. I stood straightly on the porch and allowed my fingers to drum on the doorbell. An excitement glowed up to my face and I kind of hoped that Aerith's eyes would first gape on the roses I'm holding and then to my smile right after.

But I never knew that being thrilled makes you misplace the track of time. I think I stood there for more than five minutes after the nudge I made on the doorbell. Still keeping cool, I pressed on the button once more. I checked on the roses and made sure that each one is three centimeters away from each other. If they would make the slightest friction with each other, Aerith may find them _so_ ugly and reject them.

I wasn't so sure but I think I saw one tip of a rose's petal withered already. It must've have mean that I have been standing in front of that door for more than half an hour. I know that I shouldnot be impatient. But giving rotten roses is just not my fashion. I checked on the door and found out that it wasn't locked.

"Aerith, are you in here?" I filled the house with my tone of voice but not even the clocks budged their hands. It was already murky but I still managed to move myself around. I checked on the kitchen and dining rooms but I didn't find her. I never faltered with the thought of climbing the stairs up to the second floor of the house. I just had to see her and give her the roses before they lose their dazzling appeal.

I heard a gasp within a room after I took the last step on the stairway. With my eons of battling experience, I do know how to trace the slightest sounds. I made my way through the corridors and found myself nearing the door of Aerith's room. It's where the sound came from, so she's probably here.

I made my way in front of the wooden door and noticed the dim light coming from its crack. My heart was set ablaze with anticipation as I watched my hand made its journey towards the surface of the wooden plank. My plan, of course, is to press on the door as slightly as possible first and take a littlest peek inside. I felt all my pulses beat with excitement as my face began to craft the _bestest _smile she would ever see.

I've made the crack larger. The only action left for me to make is to open these eyes.

"This is it . . . Once I open my eyes, I shall see Aerith. She would know of my presence and will call me inside. She'd see these roses and thank me for them. We'll be both smiling afterwards. Then she will explain to me the reasons of her past actions, confess that she had been so cold to me . . . and she will be sorry. I will forgive her and tell her that I understand completely. She will have her eyes teary and will then cling on to this frigid body. And once her arms are again around me . . . once her body leans close to mine . . . once the warmth of our hearts unite again . . . I shall finally be . . . _at home._"

And there it was . . . my eyes opened. My irises adjusted to the faint light inside.

Aerith is inside, so is another person, the little girl who spoke to me a while ago, both of them on the bed. The little girl, kneeling in _seiza _position; Aerith, seated upright but her body slanting towards her. The child had her arms tied at her back and her eyes blindfolded. Aerith's eyes were flippantly shut, her right hand located on one of the little girl's cheek, her left hand amid the little girl's legs-moving back and forth. Their lips, locked together with an aggressive kiss. Lastly, both of them, sweaty and half-naked.

_Aerifu-oneesan . . . please . . . not there . . ._

_Shut up and keep . . . kissing me . . . Selphie . . ._

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**Author's Note: **Time check is 3:46am. I woke up to charge my Ipod and the plan was to go back to sleep immediately. Hehehehe . . . Now I can't sleep and here I am, Fic-ing.

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"The light of the moon is not as blinding as that of the sun. But . . . where _is_ the sun? We are supposed to meet up here . . . _again_. Hey wait . . . what am I holding . . . _again_?"

Eyes were shifting slowly, focusing on an object dangling on his right hand. Keening them on, he stared at the bouquet of red roses.

"What . . . is this?"

Moist and naturally damp, each petal radiated well as the shine of a white moon shimmered upon it; soft even before touching, each whispering 'I'm still pretty, right?' Nothing could be more scarlet. Nothing else can be compared to these blooms. Handpicked by him, each, carefully trimmed as if plucking an angel's feathers, best tried to give pleasure instead of pain. A lifetime spent to merely find these gems of the pageant. Even Siren may be seduced by it, regardless of the one who offers them.

"These roses . . ."

Before I could toss the bouquet up in the air, images abruptly made its ways into my eyes, obstructing my sight of spherical jewel in front of me. No, not just an image . . . but a slideshow. Each vision told me answers of the questions I kept on asking before.

The whole sequence of the parody repeated for several times. My oil-lacking mind had its share of a hard time of understanding the whole picture. Then just like the switching of all the lights after a long blackout, everything . . . became so clear to me. And there is this fact that never ceased echoing within my ears.

_Aerith was making love . . . with another woman . . ._

"So this is what _a man _I am. I see it now . . ."

This time, I decided to try a new gimmick. I tossed my massive Bastard Sword highly up in the air and was I lucky for it to land just a foot away from me. In an instant, I enjoyed feeling my whole body move on its own without my consent. My arms rose up against the blade of the sword which is steadily fastened on the concrete ground. An inch of upward motion was enough to cut a deep wound on a part of my hands. No . . . between my hands and forearms.

I never felt so happy. This is the first time I see myself so . . . _free. _My mind is no longer weary. I just hung my arms at my side and locked my eyes on the moon above, keeping the tears in by shifting some parts of my eyes. I didn't want to snivel. I'm not a crybaby.

After a long while, I've noticed the moon three inches higher. I knew that the breeze became much chilling because every passing wind leaves my body _colder_. It sure is a nice night, I whispered. And then, I heard the noisiest sound in my whole life. The loudness of the whisper, the shriek of a forlorn solitude, I feared that its purpose is to ruin this peaceful ambiance of this evening.

"Clou . . . Cloud? What . . . what have you done . . . with yourself?"

The voice sounded familiar. And while I turned around I was wishing that the person I expect to see is _just _the owner of the Gizmo Shop, curious of what I am doing on top of his store. Also, I never realized that making a 180-degree turn would really make me dizzy for I felt lightheaded before even completing it.

"Hey there . . . my friend . . . What are you doing . . . here?" I also didn't know until now that walking really is a tiresome work. "By the way . . . I am sorry . . . of what happened to . . . your girlfriend . . ." I put up the slightest smile I can project as my eyes selfishly sharpened to make my vision vivid.

Right after, I found no cause but just heard my legs give up on me. 1.81 meters per second-squared is the rate of . . . what? What should be the hard concrete ground, waiting to catch me, were the arms of an awfully rude person. Oh man . . . will there be nothing else to see but teary eyes?

"Cloud, what did you do? Why did you do this kind of thing? How can you be so conceited?"

"Haha . . ." Did I chuckle first before making a statement with this smile? "What are you yelling for, Leon? I didn't do anything . . . I'm innocent!" The joke escaped me though the sluggish side of me dominated.

"Oh . . . no . . . Oh God . . . What were you thinking, Cloud? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS? TELL ME!!!"

I got a little confused. Why is he screaming right on my face? I didn't do anything wrong. I thought that if being born in the world is a sin, then that must be the reason of his odd anger.

"Leon . . ." I couldn't help but place one of my hands on his cheek as I suffered with the sight of the torrent of his tears. "Tell me . . . what's wrong?" I felt envious of his position. I, too, wanted to see the most soothing expression Cloud could ever make.

"Cloud . . . no . . . you didn't do this right? Please tell me it's not made by you . . ."

The most respected Admiral of the 37th fleet, _Alexander XXII_, is whimpering like little child. Gasping for air at every while passing. Pitiful, why is he crying so much? Didn't he know that people may think badly of him if they witness him in this state? I caressed his cheek with my palm as I saw him close his eyes, he looked so sorry. I wish I'd know why.

Eventually, I took notice of this one thing on my wrist as my eyes wiggled while I held his face. Why is there a strange line marked on it? Where did it come from? Also, maybe if I looked closely before, I'd find my skin color . . . so fair. It looked so pale. I laughed myself with the thought that maybe there's no more blood flowing inside – a stupid thought. I subsequently checked my other wrist, too. It's funny! The same mark is there as well. Where did they come from? But, I'm not complaining. I like them. They look . . . _nice_.

"Cloud," Leon was starting to reclaim his composure. His eyes demonstrated a sober appearance now. "We must get you to a hospital. Just rest up and don't speak of anything. I promise. I'll take care of you."

"No . . . Leon, what are you doing? Don't trouble yourself. I like it here. This is the place where Aerith and I always meet. I don't want to leave just yet." Hearing myself say those somber words in such a stiff manner somehow brought some sense back to me. For a moment, my mind felt so roomy.

I looked at Leon's face, even when he sobs, he looks so alluring. The leading actor in him never disappears. "Charming . . ." I whispered, mocking his glamorous accent. This friend of mine, he's giving me tears as a parting gift. My departure from this world approaches.

I again looked at my wrists. Pints of blood continued to gush out from the deep lacerations. I kind of amazed myself with my courage to slit my own pulses, or maybe it's my foolishness I should refer to. Regardless, why must I continue to live anyway? Aerith left me, replaced with another person. What makes it worse is that she's a female. Is there something else greater that can insult my manliness?

"Leon . . . don't cry. It doesn't suit you." My nearly shut eyes could still see his wrinkled face. "I want to ask you a favor. Please do this for me . . . your friend." I waited a few seconds until he recovered some parts of him. "Leon . . . leave me alone now. I want to dwell again with my memories of Aerith. Forgive me for my early . . . _leaving_."

"You fool . . ." I saw him wipe some of his tears off. "I will, by no means . . . leave you by yourself."

Slowly, his arms shifted. He slid them behind me and I soon felt my body being lifted off the ground. "Oh my God . . . What is this . . . feeling?" I twitched my eyes a little to the side and what I saw was the freely flowing hair behind Leon's head. I also noticed the echoing beats coming from his chest radiating onto mine. Then everything came clear to me . . . Leon is holding me close again. His arms were at my back and I could not break free from his embrace.

"What is . . . going on?" My heart began to spread unexplainable warmness throughout my whole body. The heat pervaded without the aid of blood. I knew the paleness is still there.

"Cloud . . . Don't be in pain anymore . . . I am the one . . . you will ever need."

I could breathe easier now. Every burden in my heart, I am no longer sure if they ever existed. Within his arms, I feel protected. I am safe from any harm. I am free.

_This man, who taught him to be so charismatic?_ How come his simple touch on my body makes me quiver with delight? Whenever he holds me, I see a purpose in my life. I am not by myself. I am with someone who will take care of me . . . someone who will make sure I am alright . . . someone who _loves _me.

I moved my hands with the remaining strength I've had. Slowly I placed them on his back. Gently, I steadied them and made sure that it won't scrape a fluff of his uniform. I held him tight, pulling him closer to me. I wanted to feel the blissful heat he emits furthermore. I never recognize of our situation awkward. Is clinging onto another man . . . so _anomalous_? But no . . . That's just not it . . . I no longer see him as a _man_, but just a human being, a person who completely understands me, someone who suffers greatly whenever I am in pain. This . . . _entity, _it needs me . . . and I need it, too. He is a new reason for me to live, maybe the only reason I shall ever have; a person who will make my life a better-off picture to look at. So . . . with all this stained in my understanding, what else will I ever need? I shall whisper to him . . . Leon, please never let go.

_I've been away from this place for so long . . ._

_But now . . . I've returned . . ._

_My long search is now over . . ._

_I am safe . . . _

_I am free . . . _

_I am secure . . ._

_In his arms . . . _

_Again . . . I am at home . . ._

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A whisper behind my ears, "Thank you for the roses, Cloud . . . I really appreciate them . . . And don't worry . . . my blood type is AB, too . . ."

_-wakas-_

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-Seiza – the Japanese style of kneeling wherein the person sits on his limbs. (I thought you wanted to know that. XD) 

It is now over. If you have reached this point, then you must submit a review. Set me ablaze with your flamers. It is what I truly need. Hurt me much with your words. Tell me something that will put my heart in shambles. I cannot improve if I'll feel all cozy and fuzzy inside. Tell anything, most hurtful if possible, please?


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